Sex drives are not universal. There are many people in the world who have very high sex drives and would have sex and orgasms four or five (or ten) times a day if possible. Many of them are perfectly functional people who are able to commit to monogamous relationships (but may prefer not to), and are able to tame those impulses in inappropriate situations. A high sex drive, when healthy, just means that the person is able and willing to have more sex than average. It’s when it becomes a physical or psychological necessity that it becomes a problem.
On the other hand, many people have lower-than-average sex drives. These people may enjoy sex, companionship, romance, and all the other trappings of a relationship (whether long-term or casual) as much as the next person, but feel no need to initiate such things, at least not on a regular basis. These people may feel the need for sex once every week, once every month, once every year, or even never. They are still able to respond to stimuli. They might occasionally notice their sex drive, but it is not a constant presence or distracting presence to them.
The problem (as it can sometimes become) occurs when one person is very adventurous and desirous of frequent sex and kinky play, and the other is not – and they are in a committed and monogamous relationship. While many of the best fetish websites, according to the ratings, do offer places for couples to hang out together, this may not be suitable. There are, however, many things you can do to bring equilibrium between yourself and your moresexually-driven partner.
The first thing to make sure of is that you’re feeling psychologically and emotionally well, despite having a gap in sexual desire with your partner. If this is natural and not caused by your partner (for example, that he or she has gained a lot of weight or made himself or herself otherwise temporarily unattractive to you), then understand that this is just a natural way for people to be. It doesn’t mean that you’re not in love and it doesn’t mean that you have no affection. It just means that the sexual desire is not the same.
If you’re feeling upset or inadequate because of your lack of a sex drive, make sure that it isn’t because your partner is shaming you in any way. If this is the case, make sure that they know that shaming you or pleading is not going to make your body work any differently than it already does.
Bridging the Gap
If the problem is simply with the fact that you’re less likely to feel spontaneous arousal than your partner is, make sure that both you and your partner are well aware of what turns you on and what turns you off. Many times, if you want to have sex but the biological desire isn’t there, you may experience some stress about it. If that is the case, make sure that you’re being vocal with your partner about what your specific turn-ons are and how your partner can better use them to help you achieve the arousal you both want you to achieve.
If this isn’t the issue, talk to your partner about how to find the closeness and intimacy that he or she may be craving in a way that doesn’t bother you. For example, she might want to be close to you, but if you don’t want to have sex, suggest snuggling up and watching a movie instead. Your partner won’t feel pushed away the way she would if you suggested no sex instead of sex. You’ll be able to keep both of you happy instead of risking this becoming a one-sided relationship.
If it’s touching itself that bothers you, consider other activities that involve a lot of closeness without touching. For example, suggest writing each other short stories, love notes, or poems. Consider taking a walk or run together, or even a swim. Trading off reading a book to each other can be a great way to inspire closeness and romance without necessarily dealing with the physical or sexual component of the relationship more than you want to.
Managing the Emotional Side – Could You Be Asexual?
“You might be asexual”
If you feel no desire whatsoever to have physical closeness with your partner, no matter what they do, consider for a moment the fact that you may in fact be asexual. Asexuality is a real condition (or sexuality, depending on sources), that affects up to 1 percent of the population. In other words, you may easily be among the 3.6 million people in the U.S. alone who have no desire whatsoever to initiate or be a part of sexual contact. This does not have to stem from any trauma in the past, but is merely another natural part of many people’s sexualities, such as heterosexuality or homosexuality.
Asexual people can have sex. They can even enjoy it. The difference is that usually, they feel no desire to seek it out and can have a fulfilling and complete relationship without it.
The problem, of course, is that not everyone wants to be in a sexless relationship, even if that sex is substituted with cuddling, kissing, and togetherness time. If you feel that you’re asexual and your partner is not committed to staying with you without any form of sexual contact, there may be issues. Talk to your partner. Communication is the key.
Considering an Open Relationship
If you want to stay with your current partner and cannot come to an agreement about the sex, consider starting an open relationship. You can establish whatever rules you want, but the essence is that the two (or more) of you are allowed to become to some degree involved with other people, making yours a non-exclusive or polyamorous relationship. Depending on your personal choices, this could mean that both of you have a new partner, or that you stay at home and read a book while your partner hits up some of the best fetish websites for kinky dates.
If you get nervous at the idea of your partner physically being with someone else, consider asking them to attempt cybersex, either with you or with someone else. This might be more to your taste, especially if you don’t mind the idea of being sexual in a non-corporeal sense but it bothers you when you’re actually physically present and subjected to touching, fluids, or whatever else it is that makes you uncomfortable.
If you are truly committed to your partner, there will be ways that you can find to make it work between you. A lack of sex can be solved in a variety of ways, even if it can sometimes send your partner running for the best fetish websites to try and solve this issue with kinkier, more arousing objects and ideas. If you’re lucky, you might find that this issue can be resolved with a lot of open communication, sharing of ideas, and gentle understanding. If not, you can also go ahead and browse the top sites for a partner. You can visit http://fixatedfreak.com/best-dating-sites/ and compare sites to choose a right partner.
So, you’ll find a way to work it out or you’ll find someone who appreciates the amount of physical affection you have to give.